If you are reading this, you likely know what it feels like to be controlled, abused and manipulated by a narcissist.
The control may be quite subtle, it may be full on apparent. The abuse is insidious and penetrating, it almost feels like they live inside our very being, like a psychic virus. The manipulation is relentless.
What can you do to escape it all, how do you release the virus in order to regain yourself and get back to life as it should be for you?
The Psychological War
The narcissist keeps you in a state of uncertainty, confusion and fear.
This tactic keeps you psychologically and psychically hooked to them.
They take advantage of your compassionate self and cause you heartbreak, betrayal and despair to keep you attached. They bring out the worst in you. They drain your energy, leaving you depleted and exhausted in order to keep you connected to control, manipulate and abuse you.
To feel superior. To maintain their false sense of grandiosity.
These are classic traits of the disordered mind of the narcissist. They need to feel superior to you and everyone else around. The actually believe they are better. It applies to ALL narcissists.
To cover up their extremely insecure, low self-worth and fragile inner self.
Sadly, their inner self is virtually empty, hollow, dark and “light – LESS”!
They rely on others to feel like they exist, but they are so self-absorbed, they feel completely separate from everyone else. This means narcissists need external “attention” (good or bad, it makes no difference) in order to feel okay and alive.
They need SUPPLY. And your fear, confusion, emotional reactions and energy is their supply!
And of course, the more you JADE – Justify, Argue, Defend or Explain yourself – the more it fills them up, feeds them, gives them what they need. The more you LET THEM “rock your boat”, the more they will. Sadly, this person doesn’t care about you, your life or your feelings. A properly functioning inner self is required to have those attributes.
Rather, you are an object, among many other minions of supply to feed their ego.
The narcissist wakes up every morning with a hollowness that is so profound, it must reach for supply immediately. That’s why they reach for their phone, or start a fight, or leave (discard you) to get a reaction from you! They have an unsatisfying need to secure vital narcissistic supply to feed their never appeased ego.
(Can you imagine living like this? Yuck!)
Now hopefully you can understand that the harder you try to reason with the narcissist, the more they will ramp up the drama!
And here is the thing – nothing works.
Because the “bleeding out” of your highly charged emotional trauma is the energy that that narcissist is feeding off. Like a vampire sucking the life blood from its target.
Strangely, they can even do this without any contact. You don’t have to be physically connected for them to have their tentacles in you, and continue hurting you. They are psychic, energy vampires. Weird but true!
You likely know this terrible feeling. As though you have been “stolen.” And in a perverse way, you have… they are “living your good self” and have left you with the hollow them … depleted, exhausted and a shell of yourself.
It may have been years, or even decades since you saw this person, and you still know this same feeling.
This is real, no one’s making it up!
How To Break The Connection
The only way to break the connection is to STOP feeding the vampire!
Sounds easy. And yes, it can be really hard. But it is the single and only way to get free of the energy vampire.
You MUST detach!
Regardless of whether you are deeply practically enmeshed with a narcissist (such as with property, children etc.) or you haven’t seen this person for decades, the healing to regain your soul, sanity, mind, power and life is always the same…
You MUST detach!
It requires your Adult Self, your rational, calm, firmly boundaries for yourself, confident and brave self to take over your emotional self and be in charge.
This needs to be your top focus in life. Your main goal. Your daily regime. Until you break the trauma bond (that place that keeps you in fear of the narcissist) and make room to heal yourself.
If you make this your greatest goal then you will free yourself from the chains of the narcissist and you will begin to create a better version of yourself, dissolved of your trauma, and ready to create the life you wish!
But, in reality, it is hard to do all of this on your own.
In our therapy together, I will meet you where you are at, help you with tools to DETACH from the narcissist and heal the trauma within you using the somatic modality called Brainspotting, a gentle, yet deeper healing method to shift us of our traumas.
The sooner you start the sooner you will feel better.
Narcissistic abuse is a make or break deal. You evolve or dissolve. You integrate or disintegrate. You THRIVE or you simply just SURVIVE.